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Hoy voy a dedicar un artículo a una amiga muy querida que sé que en el fondo de su corazoncito tiene un pequeñísimo hueco para este siervo de sus vicios. Esta mujer que hoy nos concierne es nada más y nada menos que Maru, una graaaaaaande amiga que todos queremos mucho muy a pesar de sus "gustos": piojosos cantantes norteamericanos, música marginal y horripilante, pasión por los pueblos dejados de la mano de Urbina, tendencia a poner vocecita de pito que grita "te odio" mientras persigue amigos, tendencia también a picarse y no respirar cuando se dice algo chistoso sobre ella (sin olvidar soltar un gritito y levantar la vista al cielo) y muchas más cosas que la hacen tan divertida, cerdisauria y encantadora.

Maru comiéndoselo todo.

Pero hoy voy a hablar de uno de sus estupendos puntos a favor, y no me refiero a que es tan redondita que es ideal para abrazarla y achucharla, ni a que su diversión, cerdisauriez y encanto se multiplican por diez cuando juegas con ella al "阿,七,七" ("a-chi-chi", para ella), ni a su enorme trasero que es la envidia de todas las miradas y una exquisita almohada, no. Hoy voy a dedicarle el artículo a algo más profundo, delicado, importante y especial, tanto para ella como para mí. Hablo, cómo no, de su vocina.

Y voy a empezar mi apología con una canción especialmente traída para ella que le dedico con todo mi amor (versión "El señor de los anillos"):

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Y después de la preciosa canción, paso a hablar de lo que de verdad importa.

La verdad es que cuando ves a Maru por primera vez, hay tres cosas que te saltan a la cara. Una es que es una muchacha joven y alegre. Las otras dos son dos almoadones sobre los que apoya la cabeza. Es algo que no se puede negar y que todo el mundo decreta como obvio: Maru tiene unas tetas muy grandes y bladitas. Quizás sean blanditas por la cantidad de abrazos que recibe (unas tetas así no pueden evitar una colisión con algo de aplastamiento) o quizás no. El caso es que quien más quien menos, toda la universiad más uno ha podido rozar su pecho con sus domingas, al menos gracias a los abrazos.

Un primer plano de los senos de Maru.

El caso es que su magno esplendor obliga a todo el que la mira a los ojos a bajar la mirada hacia ellas, sin importar condición, raza, sexo, edad ni clase ni rango. Es la magia de la Justicia Divina, que ha dotado a esta bilbaína con dos buenos melones. Aunque, al fin y al cabo, puestos a tener colgantes, que sean orondos, bonitos y vistosos, ¿no? Ande o no ande, caballo grande. Y a mí me parece que ésa es una buena filosofía. Di que sí, Marujita, yo te apoyo.

Y la luz se hizo.

Y la verdad es que es una gozada poder apoyarse en esos adornos de Dios. Hay mucha gente que se niega a hacerlo. Luxord no lo hace por pudor (o eso es lo que él dice), aunque yo creo que es por vergüenza y miedo, como si por ello fuera a ganarse el castigo eterno y un bofetón o una mala cara de Maru. Amapola no lo hace porque ella es guay y va de Janet. No es una auténtica razón, pero en realidad es así. Aloxi no lo hace porque... Bueno, sólo Dios y su padre manejando borracho sabemos por qué no lo hace. Y Ave Emplumada y esa especie de urraca centroamericana no lo hacen porque les da apuro manosear los melocotones de una chica a la que ven poco. Ah, y Yuha no se las soba porque de repente le ha dado por ir de cuerdo y sensible (cuando en realidad es más puta que las gallinas).

Los bultos posando.

Pues peor para ellos y más para mí. Si no quieren aprovechar esos manjares divinos (el otro día los lamí un poco), a ""arrascar" las pierninas", que diría mi asturiana abuela. En el fondo todos miran con envidia cómo Maru y yo nos divertimos con estos juegos que parecen sexuales aunque no lo son ni mucho menos. Fertur que jugar con la fábrica de leche de Maru quita la paciencia a alguno que otro, pero no son más que malos y falsos rumores. Ella y yo nos entendemos y divertirnos, y no admitiremos ningún sabotaje. De hecho, recomendamos a todos que metan las manos en esa presa de placer y dejen sus complejos, miedos e insultos de lado.

Maru posando y ofreciéndome su panacea, su ambrosía.

Y me despido de esta apología a las dos torres con un beso enorme para cada una de esas glándulas mamarias que tanto placer han dado y darán a hombres y mujeres de todas las clases y tipos. Sólo me queda decir que su "pechamen" es una de las maravillas del mundo y que lo respeto y admiro como cualquiera de sus amigos. De hecho, es por gracia que escribo esta defensa y no por morbosidad. Felicidades por tus grandes dotes, Maru, y sigue cuidándolas como hasta ahora.





Post scriptum: Todas las fotos han sido sacadas con permiso de la terrateniente y no están pensadas para uso pronográfico por parte del autor (por si las moscas).

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